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  • Writer's pictureAdam Roszco

Feeling Like A Failure & Pushing Ahead

by Adam Roszco. Photo credit to Mick Haupt.

Have you ever felt like a failure in your life? If you got an F on a test - probably. If you have been fired from a job - likely. If you missed your bus - yep that counts too. All these ways for us to fail in life.

I have failed at so many things in life it isn't even funny. I have wasted jobs, my own businesses, friendships, sexual encounters, dates, family's hopes for me, and my own goals. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Today, I continue to fail. They say that you should learn from failure. And that if you don't know failure, you won't know success.

In the midst of all this failing it's hard not to believe that you are a complete failure in your life. I feel it constantly when I look back in life and see where I was at my best and at my worst. My 21st year vs my 39th year - two very different years.

How do I continue to move forward in life knowing that I have failed SO MUCH?! Great question and even I don't have a good answer for that one. At the moment, a fresh cup of coffee is helping. Watching a movie in the background to distract my running thoughts. And knowing that my Mom, sister, cousin, brother, Dad, uncle and all the associated nieces and nephews love me a great deal. In fact, just this past week we shared some conversations and talked a bit.

Believe it or not, those sentiments help to get my ass out of bed each day. When all I really want to do is lie there and feel sorry for myself until I fall back asleep. Calling yourself a failure is what they call a "toxic belief". One way we can great these down is as follows:

Toxic Belief: I am a failure.

Feelings Associated: defeat, deflated, awful

Opposite Feelings: stable, steady, great

Re-shape the Toxic Belief into a Positive Belief: I am not a failure.

I learned that during my stint in rehab. A long-forgotten exercise in these last several busy months. Something I could have recently put into practice in my journal if I hadn't been so busy listening to the dark thoughts in my head. And man oh man when those dark thoughts in my head get going they do not want to stop. Down the rabbit hole we go! A lot of the time it is hard to get off that carousel of darkness. I've sat on it more times than I would like.

As we conclude today's lesson I will leave you with this: as I write this I feel like a complete failure. I feel I have disappointed everyone. Let them all down and then some. I have made a huge mess of my life and am rather overwhelmed by the many things I need to do in order to get to where ever on Earth I want to be. In spite of all of this, I woke up this morning. I put together this blog hoping that one troubled soul will see it and learn something for it.

My point: celebrate the small wins. You are alive and that is a great thing. I too have survived my trips down the slide into the depths of the darkest of the dark and wanted to end it. I'm here today. Taking it one day at a time. One hour at a time. Hell, even one minute at a time. Thank you for reading - you spectacular failures! I'm so very glad you are here.

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